Top Ten Creature Features
Here is a list of the Top Ten Monster Movies.
10. Cloverfield (2008) - This film is the newest of the bunch and some were fed up with the viral ad campaign and the lack of monster shots. I was personally happy to see a return to the true monster movie. They didn’t see it coming and they didn’t know where it came from but when it was going on, who really gave a damn? All those hapless folks needed to know was that something nasty was tearing shit up. When he pulled the Fatality on Lady Liberty it was all I could do to restrain myself from leaping up and screaming “Toasteee.” Nothing is more fun than carnage and wreckage for no reason at all.
9. CHUD (1984) - Again with New York. Someone should warn these guys. Toxic waste is bad news. CHUD (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers) may not be the greatest film ever made (fine its not even that good), but this John Heard / Daniel Stern vehicle earns top honors as an “underground” classic. Hehe. This movie is just plain fun. I couldn’t possibly list creature features without including it.
8. Tremors (1990) - What a riot. The graboids are coming and they are prepared to suck you straight into the ground or even…cause you to dehydrate yourself. There are so many things I love about this movie, especially the fact that nowhere is safe. In a car? They don’t care. In a building? They’ll get you there too. These bad boys even break through cinder block walls. Have an arsenal handy and stay off the damn pogo stick.
7. Gremlins (1984) – Joe Dante’s holiday classic isn’t exactly what you might call a feel good Christmas film. These suckers start out cute as pie and turn ugly real quick. They are mean and nasty and just because they look adorable in Barbie’s Corvette is no reason to believe they won’t kill your ass. It may not be as frightening as some of the others, but Gremlins is the perfect example of a good creature flick.
6. The Blob (1958) – I went with the original here because I have always been impressed with the effects for 1958 plus Steve McQueen was a rock hard badass no matter how you twist it. And what is scarier than something that can squeeze through cracks to get at you? Like GAK gone bad, the blob will stop at nothing, except maybe the Good Humor Man. And what have we learned from this, kids? YOU DON’T POKE ANYTHING WITH A STICK… unless you know what it is.
5. Night of the Creeps (1986) – I was torn between this one and Slither because they are so similar in many ways. But I don’t think we would have gotten to enjoy Slither if NOTC wasn’t around first. Besides, as Survivalist reminded me, Tom Atkins is in it. Case Closed. And what a great tagline: The good news is your date is here! The bad news is he’s dead!
4. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956 & 1978) - In a first ever dual submission, I have included the first two versions of this often remade film. While I enjoy the gorier and creepier 1978 version because it’s…gorier and creepier, McCarthy’s nutjob performance in the original deserves a great deal of love. It was my first introduction to this idea and gave me the willies big time. Is that really your mom or is she just having a personality moment? You never know. I’d be looking for pods if I were you.
3. The Fly (1986) – There are several films that tend to make my Top Ten all the time. These last three are among them. There is a reason for that. This film is altogether ooky with chunky gore flying all over. And it tugs at the heartstrings too. Jeff Goldblum is such a hottie one minute then ewwww. It scared the crap out of me when I saw it and I still can’t look at donuts the same way.
2. Alien (1979) – From the moment the egg opens to the famous stomach bursting scene, Alien was an instant classic. And who knew fighting aliens in your underwear could be so exciting? No one had seen anything that nasty before and few would attempt to outdo it. Ridley Scott’s masterpiece of isolation and terror kept me off of eating noodles for quite a while. And who wouldn’t marvel at the astounding effects. But even more frightening than the creature itself was the realization that the crew was expendable in the search for this life form. But at least they saved the cat.
1. The Thing (1982) - This film is no stranger to number one. And I will go ahead and tell you that I’m sure it will be here again in the future. The why is simple. John Carpenter took an okay film and turned it into “what the hell?!” Apart from the amazing (and often gross) creature effects and the stand-out performances from an incredible cast, the story is simple and scary. Something is out to get you and you have no idea who it will invade next. The blood test scene is still one of the most suspenseful in film history as far as I’m concerned. Oh yeah, and Kurt Russell kicks so much ass.
Honorable Mentions:
Predator (1987) – Cazador de Trofoes. While Predator is more action than horror, that creature scares the hell out of me. I thought it was ugly enough with the mask on…then he takes it off. Ouch! I’m thinking his mama fed him with a slingshot. And who can escape infrared vision? You can’t reason with him and he doesn’t want anything more than to kill everyone he comes across in really mean ways. He’s skinning people and taking trophies and to top it off he’s damned near invisible. I would say I’d hate to meet him in a dark alley but I’d never see him coming.
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978) – This one is on here for sheer delight. I just have a weakness for murderous veget…frui..whatever. And in light of the recent tomato scare, what could be more fitting? It’s revenge time for these guys and they don’t take long to ketchup to you (how could I not?). The effects are terrible and so is the acting but this ludicrous storyline could very well be a warning. Maybe you should learn to eat your fries plain.
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[…] Top Ten Creature Features Tremors (1990) - What a riot. The graboids are coming and they are prepared to suck you straight into the ground or even…cause you to dehydrate yourself. There are so many things I love about this movie, especially the fact that nowhere … […]