The Cook
Before I even received this movie I knew it was going to be just another low grade slasher with some nudity. Something that I should just leave my brain at the door and grab some beers to enjoy. Well I was right in that it is just another low grade film with some nudity. The Cook is one of those films where you almost feel ashamed that you wasted your time watching it.
The plot is very simple and I wouldn’t doubt it if somewhere in the 80s there was a film with the plot identical to this one. A cook from Hungary comes to a little sorority house to cook for the girls. What they don’t know is that the cook has been putting something special in their meals. There friends! Yep, the sisters have been unknowingly been eating their own. Now maybe at some point I could throw in that they are all in danger and blah blah. But no, this is the whole film from beginning to end. No real twist, nothing.
The Cook should have clocked in at about 15 minutes but instead we are treated to 82 minutes of unneeded dialogue and very badly written jokes. Some of the jokes aren’t even really “written” they are just supposed to be moments where you laugh. For example the dumb, pot head blonde repeats what the others say like “Oh I get it now”. Not funny in the least.
The chicks are hot, they get nude and somehow they manage to even ruin that. I guess they just make each of the characters so incredibly stupid or annoying that when they finally get nude they are just very unattractive. At that point we just want them to become the next victim of the cook. Which brings me to my next point. In a film like this you are supposed to get some good kills and some good gore to counter act the obvious fact that they have no script. But we only get one kill in the beginning of the film which lasts about 35 minutes. Plus the gore looks like they just went to your local grocery store and grabbed a bunch of meat off the shelves.
The sad thing that I find with most of these films is that these types of productions have the money to make much better films then they do. It seems like they just shoot for the lowest common denominator and rush that out to rental stores. Whatever happened to good filmmaking with some kind of craft behind it? This is supposed to be a horror/comedy film.. Is it scary? No. Is it funny? No. Then what is this film? I can’t even answer that questing with these films anymore.
If you haven’t caught on by now I highly suggest you don’t waste 82 minutes of your life to watch this film. You WILL regret it if you do.
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