Archive for March, 2008
The Cook
Before I even received this movie I knew it was going to be just another low grade slasher with some nudity. Something that I should just leave my brain at the door and grab some beers to enjoy. Well I was right in that it is just another low grade film with some nudity. The Cook is one of those films where you almost feel ashamed that you wasted your time watching it.
Wild Zero
Overrated. A friend of mine, knowing my love for bad zombie movies, told me to buy this movie and if I didn’t love it, he’d reimburse me. I want my 15 bucks back.
This movie has cult-classic status but I’m not sure why, considering it’s not intentionally funny, it’s not unintentionally funny, it’s not nearly as gory as advertised, and it sure ain’t good. Maybe the film only appeals to Japanophiles and Guitar Wolf fans, and I am neither, so that could be why I don’t get it. I just see a tired premise, bad acting, worse effects, unsuccessful shock value, and an entire movie based on the strength of a cameo of a band that I don’t know and don’t find especially interesting.
The Last Horror Movie
With all the hype surrounding “Behind the Mask” last year a film that was mentioned a lot was “Man bites dog” and how the two films dealt with similar subject matter. What surprises me is how The Last horror film was never mentioned in the company of the other films. For me I found this film more effective then “Behind the mask” because of how it dealt with such realistic and terrifying subject matter that forces the viewer to go along for the ride weather he or she wants to or not. The story fallows a serial killer named Max, played wonderfully by Kevin Howarth. Max has murdered over fifty people from his own accounts but now wants to do something different. With the help of a young impressionable assistant Max sets out to film his journey into madness and murder as he tries to explain why he does what he does and simply to just do something “thats never been done before”.
Teeth Review
Men: This horror-comedy is your worst nightmare. Teeth is clever, funny and gruesome, but the jokes barely distract from a vision of black and unsettling vision of sex that almost ruins the movie.
The film opens up with two young kids playing “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” in the shadow of a nuclear power plant — and the bratty older boy mysteriously gets his fingertip bitten off, an injury that will haunt him into adulthood.
Eyes of Laura Mars Review
The “Eyes of Laura Mars” is a very well acted and stylized thriller that has high production values and an interesting story idea. The main problem I had with this film was how dull and slow moving the plot was. The story is about a Photographer named Laura Mars, played by the beautiful Faye Dunaway. Laura has become famous because of her talent for taking provocative sexy and violent pictures of fashion models. Within the first few minutes of the film Laura witnesses what she learns later is the murder of one of her friends. Soon Laura realizes that somehow she is able to see the murders of her colleges and friends through the killers eyes as it happens. As more people around her start to get killed the police get more and more suspicious that she has some involvement with the murders especially when its discovered that the murder scenes almost match perfectly to pictures Laura has taken for a book.
End of the Line Review
Director Maurice Devereaux has been on my list of people to keep a close eye on after I saw his much smaller film $la$her$. After I saw that film I was amazed at what he was able to pull off with such a small amount of money and time. My mind was swimming with what he could do given a little more money and time. It has been awhile but Devereaux finally finished up his next feature End of the Line. This was my chance to see if he was the real deal or a flash in the pan. Was $la$her$ just a fluke or does he really have the talent to hopefully make it big?
Shrooms Review
Paddy Breathnach’s Shrooms has been on the radar for some time. At first, I assumed it would be about Mushroom people, and there is still a large part of me that is disappointed that it was not. What the film is, it turns out, is a nice take on the slasher genre.
A mish-mash of young adults journey to Ireland to get a taste of the local magic mushrooms. Tara, our lead, is typically reserved, naive to a charming fault, and pining after a summer love named David, an Irish lad leading the expedition. Surrounding her are a few stereotypes: the nerdy guy, the jock-ish guy, hippie chick and vain hot chick. When David realizes that not only are the usual mind-bendingly fun mushrooms in season, but also a look-alike variation that causes death, sometimes, or a slew of mystic properties, including second sight and glimpses into another dimension.
The Lost Review
To call Jack Ketchum’s novel’s film adaptation The Lost the most disappointing film I’ve ever watched might be an overstatement simply because for all intensive purposes its a direct to DVD low budget film but with all the hype around this film I still can’t get over how bad it actually was. To start off with I want to talk about all the extremely positive reviews on not only this site but nearly everywhere else I read about this film the phrases such as cult classic and even one of the best horror film of all time have even been mentioned. Firstly and most important is this is not horror. Just because you have characters in your film that do terrible things and there is some blood that doesn’t make it horror. At best its a Exploitation film which if done right I love but this film is anything but good. Before I start attacking this film too much
The Gore Gore Girls
Now when I think of the word “CHEESE”, alot of horror films come to mind like say Slumber Party Massacre, Splatter University, Don’t Go in the Woods Alone, etc…..and I do love to drink beer and watch these films but today for the first time ever I saw what has to be the cheesiest slasher style film ever made called The Gore Gore Girls.
This film came out in 1972 by one of the cheesiest directors ever…..Herschell Gordon Lewis who helmed Blood Feast. The film has no big stars in it at all except for maybe the comedian Henny Youngman who plays a strip club owner named Merv. The film is about a serial killer who is slicing and dicing up strippers at this one strip club in town. A stupid newspaper reporter who as ditzy as the come has hired a well known investigator in town to help solve the killings. The newspaper that she works for has paid the investigator $25,000 to catch the killer lol.
Return to House on Haunted Hill Review
I’ll admit that the only reason I ordered this movie was because of the “choose your own movie” feature on the HD version. I watched the “regular” version last night because I was too tired to pick and choose how everyone could die. For being a sequel to a remake, this movie was decent.
The intro to this film was great. I loved how they tied the opening credits in with the “history behind Hill House”. It was creepy enough for me not to look away. It was almost like a music video in a sense, because the music tied in perfectly and it didn’t constantly show a death scene. The intro definitely made me want to continue watching.
