Severance Review
Severance is a severely flawed horror comedy from the U.K. The film is about a group of office type people that work for a multi-national weapons company. These people go on a team building retreat, where it just so happens that a group of psychotic ex-soldier residing in the area have a grudge against the very same weapons company.
First off, the direction of the film is simply average, which is disappointing because Christopher Smith’s previous movie, Creep, was actually fairly impressive. There are way too many jump scares and not enough real terror. When the shit goes down, the camera cuts away 75% of the time, which is just too much to sustain a rock hard movie.
The lack of shown carnage would not be nearly as unsatisfactory if the comedy element of the film were well done. It’s kind of like if you had a girlfriend that was really bad at giving head. If she was the world’s greatest fuck, you wouldn’t really care. Regrettably, Severance uses its teeth and just lays there when it’s time to make the squishy sounds. For those of you not versed in sexual metaphor movie criticism, or SMMC, that means the horror elements sucked and the comedy elements sucked.
Part of the problem is the cast. If you’re going to have a horror movie that cuts away from the violence, you better have a damn good cast to pick up that visual slack. The cast of this movie is just dead weight. None of the actors have an ounce of charisma, and one of them manage to bring any life to the film.
I can’t put the blame completely on the cast. The character development and writing for the movie are both substandard. Each character is rather two-dimensional and they all appear to be unmarried, company men and women. Not once did I hear anyone complain about going on a team-building retreat for anything more substantial than because “it sucked.” You better believe that if I had to lose a weekend to some shitty retreat, you’re going to be hearing about all of the things I could be doing… like watching movies like Severance.
For those of you that are thinking about seeing the movie because it has a topless chick firing a machine gun, don’t bother. The chick is wearing a fur coat and you can’t really see anything you couldn’t see at your local strip mall bar on a Thursday night.
Final Synopsis: The movie is bland. It’s not a good horror movie, it’s not a good comedy… it’s not a good horror comedy. I recommend you skip it, shave your pubes, and discover the rate at which your pubic hair grows… me? I’m at a ¼ inch a day… I can almost braid them.
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