Hack!
Ah yes, the horror movie that pokes fun at the horror genre. Ever since that no talent assfuck Kevin Williamson shattered the illusions of slasher fans everywhere with the 1996 film Scream, there have been a bevy of self-aware slasher flicks that do more poking fun than poking of bodies. Some have been successful, some have been complete ass. Hack! is one of the ones that actually achieves what it sets out to do, which is play with the slasher genre and still deliver a fairly entertaining movie.
The plot of Hack! is fairly simple. A group of college burnout stereotypes travel to a remote island as an extra credit assignment for their Biology teacher. The genre stereotype roll call includes the gay dude, the bud-smoking black guy, the foreign slut, the jock, the alternative dude, the hot lesbian, and the nerdy girl. As these walking talking stereotypes blunder their way around the island of Mary Shelley and Vincent King, things start to happen and they start getting picked off one by one… in ways that are clichéd and reminiscent of a lot of other horror movies from Saw to Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Unbeknownst to the poor college kids, the two proprietors of the island are busy making their own clichéd horror movie with a super 8 camera. While the film and plot may be nothing original, that is the point of the movie and hence the title Hack! The film is filled with so many horror references that non-genre fans will probably tire of all the in-jokes, but for those of you like me that believe horror movies should be another food group, you’ll be begging for more.
The film is wonderfully written and directed by Matt Flynn, who clearly has a knowledge of his subject matter, unlike other no-talent assholes who try to make slasher parodies strictly to make some cash. Flynn manages to reference everything from A Nightmare on Elm Street to House of 1000 Corpses, while still incorporating genre pleasing material into the framework of a pretty solid horror flick, which is light, humorous and filled with enough dick jokes to make baby-dicked bastards everywhere cry themselves to sleep at night. The imagery is rather pedestrian, until people start getting killed and then Flynn truly brings some skill to the table. The pacing is awesome, and while it may be a little slow for people that aren’t getting the in-jokes, who gives a fuck? If you can’t grasp a Jaws reference you deserve to be bored.
The cast of the film was surprisingly good, even though many of the actors come from shitty soap operas and shows like The O.C. Danica McKellar crawls out from under the rock she’s been hiding under to give a hilarious performance as the nerdy girl. For those of you that don’t remember, McKellar played Winnie Cooper on that disgusting nostalgia show The Wonder Years… and for all of those of you that spent your primetime evenings in the ‘80s wacking it to Winnie Cooper, she doesn’t get naked… which doesn’t really bother me, because I was a Becky Slater man… not that I would ever watch The Wonder Years… that shit’s lame. Justin Chon is wonderful as the gay stereotype on the island and his comments had me cracking up throughout the movie. William Forsythe shows up to play a Scottish savior named Willy, and each of his lines is classic. There are quite a few familiar faces in the cast, but I’ll leave it up to you to discover them.
The gore and the special effects in the film are awesome. There are definitely some kick ass kills in the movie, and while the camera doesn’t gaze lovingly at the brutality that it wreaks onscreen, the editing makes those brief glimpses truly satisfying and memorable. The best thing about it is that there’s not a single bit of CGI, just plumes of delicious movie blood flying across the screen.
Hack! May be a self-aware concoction of movie references, genre clichés, and dick jokes, but it’s still fun as hell to watch. There are even a couple cool surprises in store for anyone that gives the film a chance. The film never takes itself seriously, but it doesn’t skimp on any of the elements needed to enjoy a movie. So what if it’s another Kevin Williamson type flick, at least the people really die unlike that horrible shitty Wiliamson directed movie Teaching Mrs. Tingle.
Final Synopsis: This movie is great fun for any fan of the genre. Give it a watch if you’re a giant horror fan. You’ll be surprised… just don’t expect anything Oscar-worthy out of the film and you can have a good time.
Points Lost: -1 for some bad delivery of lines, -1 for a little too much hanging out around the campfire, -1 for having a few too many genre jokes
Lesson Learned: William Forsythe makes a great Scottish dude.
Burning Question: What’s up with Forsythe? Is he turning into that worthless fucker Tobin Bell?
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